We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
