no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
