Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Randomize
