i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
