Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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