the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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