walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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