Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize