I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
