No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
