maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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