I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
