i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
