I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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