You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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