I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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