Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
