u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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