Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
