she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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