it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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