can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
there is puke in my bra ... again
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