If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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