everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
