Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
i need some magic done to my vagina
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize