Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
