Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
