We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
