Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
