omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
