he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
zippers are such a cool invention
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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