i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Randomize
