you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
