I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize