I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
