I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
