I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
