he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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