he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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