In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
