He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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