New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
