I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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