oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
