i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
