To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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