i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize