I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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