All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
