Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Randomize
