Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
