i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You have to summon your inner elephant
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
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