You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
