I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
