dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
