see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
