Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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