i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
