Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
