Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
