Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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