he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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