I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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