I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Someone signed my nipple.
Congratulations! We have a period
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
