My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
