Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
