I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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