Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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