i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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