I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
