I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
