So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize