You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
