I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
