oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
he fucked my hip out of place.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
