Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
