Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
