i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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