It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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