Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
