Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Randomize
