i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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