Only a mothe r could love this liver
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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