Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
