so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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