i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I love you. Go after that dick
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
