I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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