stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
