Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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