I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
