ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
