i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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