Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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