It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize