I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
