Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize