Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
