ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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