You just made me feel so damn special
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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