she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
