Ambien. No doubt about it.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
