fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
