Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize