the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
