I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
What drink are we having for lunch?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
