Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
We need to get me chipped asap
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
